Everyone Likes an Asian Girl

“They’re stealing our men,” I hear someone say in the back,
“Why do all the hot guys go for Asian girls? They all look the same.”
And I laugh because it’s funny how
“Everyone one likes an Asian girl.”
It isn’t exactly hard with my big anime eyes and constant perfect pink flush
I am Ka-wa-ii
With my “exotic” dark hair
Like some kind of rare Pokémon
With my small stature and my petite figure and my b cups tucked into a schoolgirl uniform
I’m honestly not sure if you see me as a girl
Or as a fetish.

You’re sapiosexual? Then I’m the girl for you.
I can calculate the ninth root of ln of e in ten seconds and recite all the known digits of pi, that’s p-i not p-i-e
Not smart enough? Good thing I also read the original Russian texts of Tolstoy in my spare time and play five different instruments
And let’s be honest here if you’re looking for the perfect housewife you’ve come to the right place
Because right from the womb I knew how to cook and clean
Apparently those traits are linked with the genes that produce the pigment of my skin
And who doesn’t love to have Asian food every night
Who cares if it’s pho, if it’s sushi, if it’s dim sung or lo mein
It should all taste like Chinese takeout, right?

And hey, here’s an added bonus: as a second generation Asian immigrant my past with an over controlling dad and a tiger mom has left me vulnerable
Soft spoken, submissive and shy so I must be naturally attracted to your MAN-ipulation
It’s written in all the storybooks that I’d love you for your porcelain skin
For your false promises and you’ll be like light coming into my night
And I’ll cry when you abandon me and throw me aside
Like Madame Butterfly, Miss Saigon,
Sure, you can only see my pain and my endearing fidelity
But who was the heartless bastard that left me in the first place?
And you think I’m just so goddamn adorable
But I’m not, just let me tell you why

Let me tell you about that first moment the plane touched the ground
And you can feel the wheels rumbling against gravel
And somewhere between the solid ground beneath your feet and your stomach in the air
You realized that you crossed an ocean for this and there’s no going back
That this is going to be your life now
Let me tell you how you won’t even know the alphabet beyond the letter “e” when someone asks you how to pronounce your name
And you tell them and you hear them stumble over the syllables and you tell them it’s ok
But when you stumble over their name they’ll look at you like you’re an alien
I guess that’s what I was
Black hair, small eyes, yellow skin, tiny hands and tiny feet
Let me tell you how it is to be nothing
But the chopsticks in your hair and the top score in your class
To be reduced to the dancing dragon they see at New Year’s festivals
Let me tell you about how being an Asian girl means having two of everything
Two birthdays, two names, two realities
To have to “tone it down” because my culture is “cute” and “sexy” when it’s delicious food
And dramas full of gorgeous girls
But on the street I get side eyes when I speak my native language on the phone
Identical looks of confusion when I tell someone “orange chicken isn’t really Chinese food”
Scoffing when I study for a test and someone in the back saying “Does she even need to study or is she just being an overachiever?”
To have to “turn it up” when people say I’m white washed because apparently I’m not Asian
When I don’t fit perfectly into the stereotype of exactly what they envision me to be
When I don’t hate my “controlling” parents, when I don’t care about becoming a Doctor or a concert pianist,
When I’m honest to god bad at math and let me just tell you when I say I’m screwed for the next test
I am not doing it for attention and I am not fishing for compliments
I am giving you the cold hard truth and trying to shatter your overly idealized perception and expectance of what I am supposed to be

So ladies, this is what it comes to
Instead of tearing us up and tearing us down
Instead of wondering why Asian girls are stealing “your” men from you
Maybe wonder why “exotic” is considered “sexy”
And why we are considered just “exotic” enough to be some kind of rare commodity.
Because I’m done
I’m done with doing this, explaining this, caring about this,
With bleaching my own soul for your personal comfort.
You want to see me as your dancing dragon
Then I am the goddamn dragon.
Allow me to tell you about how my eyes are dotted red
How my skin is gold not yellow and it shines with the flames of my history
And the sun settling into the horizon on the Pacific Ocean.
How my teeth are bared and the flames are raring in my throat
I am not soft spoken. I am not submissive.
I’m not Madame Butterfly or Miss Saigon.
I’m your worst nightmare
And I’m dropping the goddamn mic.